Care Instructions

for New Purchase

A Letter to My New Parent

Thank you for welcoming me into your family!

I’m excited for my new forever home!

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wood. I was separated from my roots in the forest but I’m still very much alive. I still breathe!

I share DNA with my rustic relatives but we are all special and uniquely different. I have my own individual character and needs.

I tend to swell when there’s humidity and shrink when I’m too dry. I get sun damaged easily so please limit my exposure to direct sun. I avoid showers and baths because I’m severely allergic to water. Please dry me as soon as possible. Sometimes I twist from arthritis.  Humidity makes it worse. I don’t feel well in extreme hot or cold weather. I love to stay indoors where I’m safest in climate-controlled environments. At times, I split or splinter with age. Please mend and bind my wounds with a dab of wood glue.

I love to celebrate! Please remember to shield me from food, drinks and sticky messes. Paper doilies or parchment paper are my favorite protectors from grease. They protect you from my spray tan chemicals and keep my delicate skin looking healthy.

If, for any reason, you are ever unhappy with my aging character, I prefer to call it rustic patina, you may replace me free of charge.

Thank you for your tender care!

Loving regards,

Wood

p.s. I was only born recently so I may be a little stinky. I only need a little time to air out as I acclimate to my new home.

Don’t worry, I won’t stink forever.